If your child has reading difficulties, this could be a sign of dyslexia, or other issues. Whatever the problem, there is a lot you, and your child’s school, can do to help.

It’s not only your child’s reading that will be affected if not addressed, as self-esteem and social interaction could also be affected.

Here’s what to look for:

• dyslexics usually cannot recognise letters and are unable to match those letters to sounds
• vocabulary may not be as developed as other kids the same age, and they take longer learning days of the week, and doing basic math
• spelling may also be poor
• there is difficulty in recalling and relating facts and numbers
• they will memorise rather than actually learn new skills
• they cannot follow instructions, or only one direction at a time

If not addressed, these issues will flow on into High School, with all the same issues, only magnified, and they will often be the butt of jokes with their peers. They are simply not able to comprehend what it is they are reading – in any subject.

Should you see your child struggling with any, or a combination of the above for longer than six months, then talk to your child’s teacher or doctor, so that an action plan can be put in place. It’s best to nip it in the bud early before it causes bigger problems.

Common causes of reading difficulties:

• Dyslexia – not just the reading that suffers but reading comprehension as well
• Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD) – the most common. Makes it hard for the child to stay focused.
• Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) – affects a child’s ability to process the information they hear
• Visual Processing Issues – have a hard time seeing the difference between letters or shapes. Blurred vision or seeing double is another complaint.

Most parents want to raise a successful child.  By successful, I mean, successful in life. Naturally, we would like to see our child do well in school, to stay out of trouble, and follow their dream as an adult. However, each child is different; therefore, it’s difficult to know what the recipe is for raising a successful child. Psychologist’s research found a number of factors which contribute. And really, (sorry guys) it all comes back to the parents.

Parents of successful kids teach them all about social skills. There has been a 20 year study that shows socially competent children are co-operative without any prompting. They will be helpful to others, have an understanding of their feelings, and be better able to resolve any problems that come up. These children will go on to university or college, and most will have a full time job by the age of 25. They will not have had everything handed to them.  They will have worked hard to get where they are.  Of course, if parents can see college in their child’s future, then the child will usually work toward that goal, regardless of income.

This falls in line with another psychology finding: The Pygmalion effect, which states “that what one person expects of another can come to serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Interpretation: higher expectations lead to an increase in performance.

Those with limited social skills will quite often struggle in life. These kids have never learned “appropriate behaviour” for social environments, or know how to interact with others. This is, perhaps, because they never received this type of guidance at home – and it may be, that the parents  have not had the training either, and grew up with another system of values, and behaviour being taught.

If you want to raise a successful child, you can help them develop social and emotional skills. It might mean taking yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s never too late to learn, and it’s one of the most important things you can do for them, to prepare them for a healthy future.

PS And don’t forget the E-motion Cards can help you do this!

How can we replace fear with love? This post is very appropriate, given what has been happening in the world recently, and the fear it’s created.

It is only natural we would be fearful of terrorism. It’s not an irrational fear, and it is even more real for those who have witnessed terrorism, or lost friends or family because of it. It’s hardly comparable to other fears, such as fear of spiders or the bogey man. This fear is being felt all over the world. Some people are living in real daily fear of terrorism. It’s hard for people who have been the most affected, not to keep going over and over the event. Some will be suffering PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and will need to seek help with counselling.

All of us have been subjected to images on the television, of the suffering and panic, terrorism is causing. We’ve been exposed to such a steady stream of shocking input, that it’s not the least surprising that a large number of people have developed  serious anxiety, and dread, due to an overload of information, and visuals from the media.

What can we do to turn this fear around in our own little world? Well, I have an exercise for you to practice over the next few days, and of course, it does involve LOVE. Love being the opposite of fear, as we all know.

This is an experiment we can all try. Choose three days where you pay special attention to any appropriate living thing, whether that be your spouse, your mother, father, sister, child. Yes, it could even be your dog, if you wish! Imagine that this is the last 3 days you will ever spend with them. Let them know that you are conducting a spiritual experiment and that they are not to be concerned about your actions. Watch how the practice of love enriches the lives of others and yourself. Make it a bi-monthly or monthly practice, where you can choose somebody different, or keep your attention on the same person.

You can’t change the events happening here on earth at the moment, but you can re-programme  and manifest your own reality in this life. The whole point of terrorism is to instil fear. Don’t get caught up in the groupthink. Fear blocks our freedom and love of life. Fear means the terrorists are winning. Replace your FEAR with LOVE. It might be a slow process for some, but, make a start.

PS Here’s an idea. You could even use a little love heart, like the one above, and write messages on them each day for your chosen person.

Your shy child can be a challenge. Sometimes a child will feel shy when they meet new people or go somewhere new. This is not uncommon. Some adults are shy too. A shy child will be clingy when confronted by unfamiliar people of places. For some children, their shyness can be limited to one place, like going to school. Or it can be limited to one particular person, if they’re being too pushy for a hug or kiss. Other children will be shy in many different situations.

It’s not a good idea to label a child as “shy”, as it could be damaging to their future self esteem and confidence building. You are one of the most important people in your child’s life and they do place a lot of trust in you. If they hear you saying they are shy, then they will tend to believe it. You could say instead, “He is still learning to be comfortable around new people.”   And, of course, it goes without saying, that you never make fun of a shy child – this draws a lot of unwanted attention to them. Attention they are already feeling.

The best way to help a child with their shyness is to build their confidence up. If they become confident with their skills, they are building self esteem, and are likely to engage with other children, who they have something in common with. You might like to organise play dates with a child they would like to be friends with. Play games that are popular with other children their age, so they can become more confident. Or, find out their interests and join them up in a club. If they’re good at something they love, this can bring them out of their shell.

Shyness can ease once a child becomes more familiar and their confidence builds, while others will be shy for the whole duration. That child will feel like they’re under the microscope and being looked at, and this can be very real, and scary for them. Shyness, in the extreme is painful, as it also prevents your child from doing things they really want to do.

It can be frustrating dealing with a shy child, but it’s important you remain calm. If your child is feeling shy when you’re out somewhere, let them know that you understand. You can share stories about a time when you felt shy. You still need to take them out, and expose them to situations they feel shy in – this will help them to overcome their shyness. Being overprotective is not going to help your shy child, as they will draw the conclusion that it’s okay to avoid scary situations if you keep them at home. Talk to them about the things they are missing out on because of their shyness and when they are brave enough to overcome their shyness, tell them how proud you are of them.

Young children will use dolls, toy cars, trucks, sheets, play food – anything for their imaginative play, to act out familiar stories, or events. This is their safe world, where they’re the ones in charge, and they can make, or break, the rules. For years it was thought that it was an escape from the real world, and once a child reached a certain age, they should give up these fantasies.

Not so.  Sometimes a child can use this imaginary world to come to terms with something they’re afraid of. If it’s the dark, and they’re afraid of monsters in their cupboard, then they might pretend to be monsters during the day. This desensitises them somewhat, and the role play is their own way of dealing with their fears.

A child’s first imaginative play will be re-creating familiar activities, like going to the shops for bread and milk, or feeding their dolls. These activities will help them see their role in the family. The pretend play will also involve the retelling of something fictional they have seen or heard. Believe it or not, when you child dresses up as a doctor, a nurse, or even Mummy or Daddy, he/she is organising thoughts in a way that fits the role. Then, by the time he or she, reaches the age of five, they have a pretty good understanding and awareness that other people have their own thoughts and feelings.

Having an imaginary friend is an important stage of social development for many four year olds. These imaginary friends need not necessarily be human. They can be dogs, horses, crickets or even fairies in my sister Jen’s case. We all got involved in that one, myself included. I was a believer, and I am almost 3 years older than Jen.

We had the fairies in the bougainvillea tree in Blackall. Not just one – a whole family, and the mother fairy appeared to be a single Mum with numerous kids, as far as I remember. I was in Grade 3, so Jen was probably Grade 1 at the time. Well, we were bringing friends home from school to see our fairies – a black knob in the corner of a branch, high up in the tree, in the shape of a cloaked, Mother fairy. No, these fairies were not your usual pretty fairies. More gnomish to look at. So, we made beds out of matchboxes and cotton wool, and drew tiny teeny hop scotches for them in the dirt. This was our own magical world! And we lived it for quite a long time, until one day it came to a very abrupt end. Baby fairy, who we had known since birth…died. We mourned this heartbreaking news with gallons of tears. That was it for Mum. We were told – “There are no fairies, stop the rot.” (I could be ad libbing here, but it was words to that effect.) (Sigh) We did truly believe.

I could be guilty of some similar reaction myself, with my daughter Kylie, in regards to the Tooth Fairy. After 5 nights, looking for a tooth that was hidden, in many different places, from said Tooth Fairy, I finally gave up.  Yes, I  very crossly broke the news to Kylie that the Tooth Fairy was actually me! In my defence, I believe she was testing the truth… I think she only half believed. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

At times, imaginary friends will be your child’s carer – a fun carer, who will let them do absolutely anything they want. Eat ice cream by the bucket load, stay up late, jump out of high buildings, go out by themselves.

These days, child development experts say that imagination actually does play a role in your child understanding reality. There is evidence that role playing helps children understand what’s real, and what’s not. And, it gives them the opportunity to experience from another perspective. The exception here is with autistic kids. They won’t engage much in pretend play, and researchers are using this marker to understand how a child’s cognition develops, and then look for any delays in their development.

Imaginative play helps prepare your child for adulthood. It teaches them about their own place in the world, and how to interact with that world. Creatively – it’s an added bonus! Imaginary play is a must for any child’s physical, mental and social wellbeing, and they will be able to draw on their imagination, as an adult. Every new idea starts with imagination!

Are you a head or heart person? The head is logical, it observes and analyses the events and experiences we have in our life. The heart tells us how to feel and interpret those events and experiences.

People who are rational and logical, and come from their head space, have a tendency not to listen to the heart. They disregard their emotions. Quite often, the reason for this could be that they have been hurt in the past by listening to their heart. Your mind can help you break things down and live your life logically, and decisions will be made without any feelings involved.

The heart people are the “feelers”, and have learned not to listen to the voices from their head. The heart speaks quietly- it is softer and less complicated than the head. Moral decisions will be made from the heart. It might take a little longer to make those decisions, but once they’re made, you have commitment – because they’re coming from the heart. Heart people also tend to make decisions based on their intuition.

On the downside, those who come from the heart will be more sensitive, become stressed easily, will talk about their feelings, and are usually people pleasers. If we only listen to the heart though, we miss out on the valuable information from the head, like being able to weigh up situations, what’s best for us, how to take care of ourselves and be more objective. The head tells us why we do certain things and how to act with the best outcome for us.

When one dominates the other, we have an unbalanced way of living our life, and responding to our world. How do we then learn to let both voices have an input and be heard? Firstly, you need to have a look at how you respond to those around you, and the situations in your life. Are you mostly a head or heart person, or do you rely on a bit of both? The people around you will likely be more than willing to give you their opinion.

The thing is, we need to have balance. Here is a little exercise that might help:

If you’re a head person, sit quietly with your eyes closed, and bring your awareness to the heart. Focus on that heart area, breathe into it. What images come up for you? If your heart has a voice, what does it say to you? What’s it feel like in there?

Now do the same thing for the head, if you’re a heart person. Bring your awareness up inside your head. What images do you see there now? Does it have a voice? What does it have to say to you? What’s it feel like in there?

Once you’ve done this, see if you can’t start up a conversation between the two. What does your head have to say to the heart? How do they feel about each other? Let each tell their own story.

What we want to happen is to build up trust and friendship between the two. This will take time – don’t give up on your first attempt. You can only benefit by having balance between the two, and there will be no question of head or heart.

There are many parents who are having discussions about technology – like it or not,  because it’s creating problems in their family. While there are reports that our children are developing Speech, Language, and Literacy problems, it’s the preschool age children who are having the most difficulty with Language development. Studies also show children who struggle in this area are more likely to have difficulties in their schoolwork, especially with spelling, writing and reading.

I love Author of Hamlet’s Blackberry, William Power’s analogy where he describes our new technology driven world as a giant room, where everyone is standing within reach of the next person. Imagine your neighbour prodding you, asking you questions, wanting to chat. There’s no escape. You have a constant connection with everyone in that room. Your only option is to completely disconnect and jump out the window…into the unknown. We live in a world now, where everybody’s connected, all the time.

What’s this doing to our children? Our children who are avid users of everything media related. Of course they have to keep up. Technology is preparing them for the “real world.” They need the technical skills for the job market – 60% of which are technology related.

There are two sides to the argument. It is argued that children constantly using technology are becoming socially inept, rude, and are developing health problems. Some are addicted.

Is there any right answer to this argument. Let’s look at the Pros for technology:

• There are opportunities for higher paying jobs since 60% of job market is technology related
• It’s a way for children to have a sustainable online bond with their peers
• Children can comprehend complex visual images
• They are better able to absorb information
• Can be motivational, and easy to use
• Homework less of a problem as all done on computer
• Prepares children for the work force at a young age

The Cons:

• It does affect their social lives – can disconnect from family and friends through playing computer games
• If not monitored by parents, social media can be quite dangerous for our kids
• Lessened ability to multi-task – and never able to give full attention to any one task
• Unable to focus because of all the information coming in
• Health problems – the main one being obesity from no physical activity

It’s a tough one. To say that technology is either good or bad is not going to help anyone. Placing a 2 hour limit on all electronic entertainment (ie TV, games, computers, ipads,internet) is one way you can help your child. They might put up an argument, they most likely will! Send them outside to play, to kick a football, climb a tree. Remember, you are the parent. You are in charge.

An old saying I remember from my childhood upbringing – “Everything in moderation.” Moderation is not a word we often hear in this world we have created today. Technology –like it or not, has completely changed the way we live our lives – and it’s here to stay!

We really do underestimate the power of emotions and how they influence our thoughts, what we do, and the way we behave. And of course, what happens as a result of that behaviour. I called my cards E-motion Cards for that very reason. Emotions are Energy-in-Motion, a constant ongoing relationship of moving energy, which continues on a cycle of emotions.

Whilst sometimes, it might seem like the emotions are running the show, always know we can have some control over them, by the way we think. If we choose to respond, rather than react, the brain has a chance to engage, and put some distance between the event and ourselves.

A response gives us space, and a chance to mind our tone, find some compassion, perhaps apologise, and get some perspective on the situation. If emotions are left to run wild, they will change all the time and control us.

If your child has been taught the basic steps of Emotional Literacy, they can build on that as they mature, and have a source they can tap into for the rest of their lives. To gain insight into their emotions, they first need to be able to identify what that emotion is. To take some deep breaths, taking their time to identify what it is they are feeling. Next, they need to give it a name – anxious, sad, frustrated etc. Naming the feeling to themselves helps. They are acknowledging the emotion.

As they continue to breathe deeply, they will feel some of that emotion begin to ease. They are stepping away from the emotion a bit. Once feeling calmer, they can think about some of the solutions they can use, by tapping back into the E-motion Cards.

You will find that the more your child is able to manage their emotions, there will be an improvement in schoolwork, they will make more friends, be happier, and they will be much more successful in their goals. Such is The Power of Emotions when we learn how to work with them, and control them.

I wanted to open up a bit of a discussion on Inside Out in this post. Has anybody seen this movie? I was dying to go and see it and take my grandkids, with it being about emotions and all. I ended up having to go by myself, and perhaps that might have been the problem. Imagine my surprise when 10 minutes into the movie, I was looking to do a bolt for the Exit. My immediate thoughts were, “I can’t watch this. Too loud, too bright, too convoluted, too everything!”

I took some deep breaths and forced myself to sit through it until the end, but it was a drag for me. This was a movie I wanted to see, and had great expectations from. A disappointment. One of my nieces couldn’t believe I didn’t like it, and said, “How could you not like it Annie – it’s about emotions.”

The story line is about the emotions who live in Headquarters, (a play on words here that most kids would miss), which is like the control centre of Riley’s mind.   The emotions of Joy, Fear, Sadness, Anger and Disgust talk to Riley throughout the day. Riley has recently been uprooted from her school and friends to live in a new place and she isn’t coping.

Things become chaotic in Headquarters. Many would say the movie should have been called Chaos, rather than Inside Out. I also didn’t like the fact that Joy was depicted as young, thin, and beautiful, whereas, Sadness was overweight, plain, with oily hair and heavy rimmed glasses.

I still haven’t fully worked out why I didn’t like this movie, and why it rubbed me up the wrong way. Felt a bit depressed after it actually. Sure, I could see the concept of Joy and Sadness working together in the end, but, a whole movie about them finding their way back to Headquarters?!

I would love to hear from others who saw Inside Out.  I must have missed something altogether…I think I have to watch it again. Please tell me I’m not in the minority of people who didn’t like this movie? What did you think of it? Even better…what did your kids think of it?