Here are a few scary facts about the joys of raising a boy. I don’t have a son myself – I live these experiences through my grandsons, beautiful boys, despite this tongue in cheek blog.
First of all, let’s talk about farting. Farting is very funny apparently. The louder the better…and when your son lets the first rip, he laughs so hard, he farts again, and goes into hysterics! Nowhere is sacred – at the dinner table, out at a restaurant, in front of friends. Mortification for you – very funny for him. And what a hoot when you sneak one out and he proclaims to one and all, “Mum just farted.” Don’t even get me started on under arm farts!
That takes me to burping. Your son will try for the biggest burp ever, by guzzling a glass of soft drink. He will then attempt to sing while burping, or try for progressive burps. Boys will have competitions with the longest burp being the winner. This too, he will practice at family dinners, and restaurants, thinking he is providing his own special brand of entertainment for the night.
Your son will always have an obsession of some kind, that he will talk incessantly about. eg Minecraft, Lego, Dragon. My grandsons progressed to surfing, which I was very excited about. What better than the great outdoors, sun shining, burning up some energy? Not so excited now after a couple of shark encounters! OMG! Now, I don’t want them even having a bath with the plug in! Are they deterred from surfing? Not on your life! All I can do is white light them, and hope for the best.
Smelly rooms, smelly feet. You need to enter your son’s room armed with a can of Glen 20 at the very least, to combat the combination of smelly feet, smelly socks, smelly bedclothes, smelly leftovers – smelly everything really. Get used to that. It will continue until he leaves home! Tip: you might like to insist he open a window at night to make sure he isn’t breathing rebreathed air!
Oh, and my favourite – teeth brushing. This is usually a non event unless you stand over him while he does it. He’s outsmarted you with checking for a wet toothbrush. He now has the smarts to wet the tooth brush and scrub it up against the sink so it looks used! He won’t believe you when you tell him his breath will knock a person out at 10 metres. Other boys seem not to notice of course, because they have the same smelly breaths!
It’s not all bad. Your son will be kind and protective of their Mums. They will make you laugh until your stomach hurts with their quick come backs, and smart jokes, melting your heart at times, with the things they say and do. And, they will grow into good, strong men, role models for their own sons, finding the joys in raising a boy of their own! You hope!